When Sleep is Lost

Yesterday was a big day for me. I decided to move into the next phase of frontline politics. Many of you have asked why, especially as I “stepped down” but I never stepped down, I’ve always been working away as a councillor and activist; I just had to be sure I was ready for the next step. To be sure that the next step would be right not just for me but my party, and most importantly for any person I sought to represent. 

I often lay awake at night and think of decisions I’ve made, wondering if they were right or wrong. I think of all the nights I’ve spent awake worrying about issues in my ward, dealings with the media, how people perceive me. I’ve spent hours awake worrying as a single mum that I’ll be able to pay the bills, manage my work, life, balance. I’ve sat up into the wee hours contemplating the lives of my children and their future, worrying that the issues surrounding them won’t affect their wee lives. I’ve peered into the darkness and often thought is there a place for me. There is.

Tonight, as I’m awake in the dark, I can’t help but think that I can use all the worries of previous sleepless nights and turn them into experience; experience which I can use to serve others better. A wise woman once quoted the late Bashir Ahmad and his words were along the lines of “it doesn’t matter where we come from, what matters is where we are going”. I will take my worries over money, disabilities, health, gender and use them to find an affinity, an affinity with the people of  where I’m going….. 

Use your dark nights and find something light in them. 

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