Iconic Award

Everyone has something to say about my life, often painful and hurtful things; but I guess that’s public life. However very recently something lovely happened to me. I was given an award for being a “straight ally” to the LGBTI community. The First Minister and Glasgow Provost were in my category but I won, a wee single mammy from Wishaw. I really do love this award but in some ways it’s odd, because really I’ve only been awarded for doing the right thing. My mum and dad have always taught us that if we are able, you do what you can for those around you who need a little extra love. I wasn’t able to make an acceptance speech as I was poorly but I still think it would be nice to say some thanks.

To my three Ks, three “sisters” Caz, Claire and Alison, and Conor who are never done texting me, for keeping my eyes on reality and for reminding me of who I really am. Thank you. To Amo who is my can’t live with, can’t without pal; I know you always have my back no matter what separates us. Thank you. To Jordan Daly and Liam Stevenson who always inspire me to do more for LGBTI young people, you are the epitome of change. Thank you. James Dornan MSP, my boss, my rock and my friend. Thank you. My pals across politics and beyond for always saying nice things on the twitter and fighting with trolls on my behalf. Thank you. Rhiannon V Who is the spark that makes me want to fight harder. Thank you. To my mum and dad who are sellotape that keeps my heart together when so many of my dreams and hopes shatter. Thank you. Pete and the three Gordon’s who love me and the girls and never fail to make us laugh. Thank you. To the LGBTI community who have allowed me to stand and fight in your name. Thank you.

Finally I’d like to thank my beautiful girls Skye and Charlie. They are courageous, kind and frankly the most beautiful souls to have walked this planet. Both with unique challenges and both not without struggles; and yet both so willing to allow me to use their struggles to reach others. Thank you. I’m not gay, I was born in the right body and I have a lovely life; but it is the duty of all of us to stand up for those who are unable to do it themselves. I beg of the straight community ask questions. Challenge homophobia and transphobia. Ask for your children to be educated in LGBTI issues. Be the change this world so desperately needs. If you are a man or woman, boy or girl, who is currently living in a secret, if you are scared to be yourself and you don’t know what the future holds because of your gender or sexuality then this award is for you. It’s to remind you that you are not alone and we are fighting to make this world less frightening. This award is for those who cannot be themselves 🌈

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My God is Proud of Pride 

I’ve not written a blog in months but I think now, with this very short one, is a good time to start. With pride on in Glasgow this weekend it got me to thinking why we should be proud of our LGBTI community, but more importantly why we should love them, and of course each other.

One of my most read blog posts was around the issues of Christian politicians, and if they can serve the LGBTI community. However, I suppose as a Christian mum, the bigger question is why can’t ALL Christian’s love the LGBTI community? The bible was written in times that were very different, there was interpretation and cultural influences on everything that was written by MEN, God passed on his word; but ultimately the bible was written by humans who have opinions. A pastors wife recently said to me that we would never dream of sacrificing children to God and yet that was a practice discussed in the Old Testament, it was a thought provoking statement and true.

As a mum of a trans child all I want is for her to be happy; almost weekly I’m reminded that her life will be harder than everyone else’s. She will always be “different”, she will always have “battles” and she will also have “hurts”. However Charlie also has a great big God who loves her. In the bible the word love is mentioned almost more than any other, over and over and over it tells us to love EVERYONE. This “love the sinner and hate the sin” chat is also rubbish, imagine if christians went to church and said “I love you even though you said shi*t and you’re a big fat gossip”, it’s unthinkable. We are told not to judge and that means YOU! If you’re a Christian reading this just don’t.. ok? No one likes pious nonsense and it brings no one closer to God.

The God I know is loving, he is kind, he is giving, he catches me when I fall, and he is always near. I understand why many don’t believe in his presence because life is hard right? Look at me: a diabetic trans daughter, another with cerebral palsy, almost choking with a stroke at 35… so you could say it’s hard to believe he’s even around, but I think he is otherwise I don’t think I’d be able to put one foot in front of the other. What I also believe is that God loves everyone and I mean everyone. No one is excluded from the love of Jesus, Jesus didn’t die on the cross and rise to say believe in me and you will live (apart from the gays, they’re out). 

God loves everyone even the gays whether you like it or not. In Glasgow we often hear “let Glasgow flourish” but often we miss out the second part “by the preaching of his word and the praising of his name”. Last year at Pride the only thing that upset my Christian daughter charlie was when a group of “evangelists” hurled abuse at her while she walked proudly, even though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. So I’d like to ask them this: will God judge me for loving or will he judge you for hating and making a very fragile 13 year old girl cry by telling her that her own God has disowned her? 
Glasgow welcomes the Gays, the trans and everyone in between this weekend. Glasgow will flourish by the very beautiful and colourful spectical that is pride. God will be there because pride is a place of love and where there is Love there is peace….

Happy Pride Glasgow 

Just TIE me up in love

Recently there have been figures being banded about on the wait times for CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services). I don’t have the answers but I do have a thought. My daughter Charlie was self harming, slashing her arms till they looked like they had been clawed at by a wild animal and contemplating taking her own life. It took love, support and many weeks at Camhs before we got to the root of the problem…. She was trans.

Camhs were an exceptional tool and I know the Scottish government are committed to reducing wait times, however like every other illness, I think we should be looking at prevention where possible. A cure is good but prevention is always better, and nine times out of ten more cost effective. That’s where TIE (time for inclusive education) comes in. Many of the young LGBTI young people I’ve met during Charlie’s journey were in the same boat, the  story is so often repetitive. Fear of being who they are, fear of being bullied, fear of telling parents. Hatred of themselves, hatred of who they are, hatred of their own flesh. Then comes a Camhs referral, an opening up and finally acceptance…. not always but most of the time.

TIE aims for a better understanding of LGBTI issues, a reduction of bullying and a removal of stigma. If you think “hey I’m gay/trans/lesbian but that’s ok it’s as normal as being left handed;” then wouldn’t you be less likely to hate yourself? I think so! It’s about seeking to engage everyone from the straight community, the LGBTI community and the educational departments to ensure young people don’t resort to horrific acts of violence on their own precious skin.

This won’t just change the lives of young people but it will create generations of more tolerant adults. Workplace bullying, especially for trans women in very male dominated environments, is a huge issue. This results in many adults seeking the same support as our young people, but many often think they should be stronger, the shame overcomes them and they decide the only way out, is the unthinkable.

I’m not saying for a minute that this will resolve every issue faced in the treatment of young people and their battles with mental health, however I believe it would be a start. I speak out all the time on trans issues because I face it along side Charlie every day. This week my mum (gran sheena) realised she is wearing a  jacket in summer because she is ashamed of her own wee shape and my 70 year old mum has been researching special bras! Awesome right? But what if your family isn’t like that? What if charlie spent the whole summer roasting because of shame? That would damage her mental health beyond words. So we have to do more and in my heart I believe the schools are where we can achieve this.

I spoke at the SNP conference earlier this year where the members supported the TIE pledge (I will link the speech below). However words are not enough, if you want to reduce wait times, encourage children and most importantly save lives, then we must act. This is not a liberal versus conservative argument; or indeed church versus state; no – this is LIFE or DEATH. I urge everyone, especially the straight community who might think this will never effect you, to keep acting! The only way we can change the world is to get up and do it. Not just for wait lists, or Charlie; but for every young person in our country! Love wins. 

Trans Shopping Sagas

So tonight Charlie (my trans daughter) and  I went out and  we were glammed up women. We had a contoured checks, we had a highlighter which shone from the Gods and our winged liner was so sharp it could have been classified as a dangerous weapon. Off we went into the brave old world of East Kilbride…… 

There are two types of people on a trans shopping trip, there are the people who say “hen” overly much in order for Charlie to know that they are FULLY behind her fierce woman look. Then there are the people who do everything and anything not to catch Charlie’s eye. I’m quite sure for them getting caught means they will have caused offence, or really for some they just don’t want to see “it”. However, she’s there and she’s fierce and she smashing life. We tend not dwell on these negative  people but we tend to dwell on the “good”; like the boy in Newlook who told Charlie the more she grows into her looks the more stunning she will be. Or Margaret in “HnM” who told us her excellent tips for wrapping up her body to hide her jiggly bits when she and her man are in spain; Margaret thinks “they tehniques may be a life saver for Charlie. Cause you know yeah canny have her willie showing aff if she’s still goat it”. Her honesty and warmth made us lol and laugh till our tummys hurt. 

My Charlie is brave, everyone knows that but it’s hard going out as a girl before transmeds start. While looking quite manly facially; You need ask for girls shoes in size 9, and people ask if you’re going to a fancy dress party? You need to brace yourself for every ned (after they’re 200 yards away) shouting “poof”. Although it doesn’t always go that way, you also know that it can. So trans women are the super heros of shopping. These women are confident, glam and so gorgeous because they don’t care what people think; why? because they know what it took with for them to even be a woman….. 

You go girls and us shopaholics will carry your bags!