Where do you find them?

So I’ve decided October will be a dating month, everyone needs someone to snuggle under a blanket with right? so it’s the perfect time to start this series of blogs and to “put myself out there”. The question “where are all the men?”  is probably one of the most asked in female (and gay) history. The real question should actually be: where are all the nice guys (and girls)? 

The first time I ever “got a number” was in the Hamilton Palace. The guys name was Steven and he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, apart from Luke Nijholt, who had the best legs on my teenage planet. Sidenote: if you don’t know who Luke is you aren’t a well fan. I digress, so I’m in the “Hugh Dallas” and Steven asks the barman for a napkin and a pen, and wrote down his HOME phone number. That’s right dolls, I had to do that amazing “oh hello is Steven in” phonecall to his maw. Swear, there is not  a nervous feeling that comes close to that phonecall but alas our young team will never know it. Yes I called, yes we dated and yes I dumped him for a hot doctor who I worked beside. I’ve always been the same, easily distracted.

It’s sad to think people will never again have to stand in Victoria’s or Archaos and will someone to pull out a napkin. I still go out in hope, dolled up to the nines, wishing that a milk tray style man will send over a bottle of champs. (Yes I can feel the rage of the feminists but this is my fantasy and I’ll think as I wanna). These days you go out and then you only need a name and you’ve got a Facebook, Instagram and credit check done on your potential date. Now it’s all internet isn’t it? I met one of the loves of my life on twitter. Yes, yes I don’t believe in one great Love, I’m an optimist. I met this man on twitter and he was lovely and delicious and funny and smart; the problem is that in real life the story can be different, a persons online persona is never the same but in this case he was as charming in real life. To be honest too charming and there lay the problem (that and a very mean ex-wife). Sidenote Im still friends with this man, and you can’t have too many of them. Facebook I hate because it’s a hunting ground for creeps, mate just because you like every one of my photos does not mean I’m gonna rush out for a Nando’s and back for a boxset. No sir. Oh and don’t get me started on the married ones, mate I only know you because I do the school run with yer Mrs! (For example…..) BOLT. 

So that leaves me with the dating apps. I’ve never tried them. I’ve heard such terrible things about tinder, grindr and the likes that I’m scared that just looking at the app will cause an influx of disgusting genital pics. FYI boys: girls hate seeing photos of your penis, if there is a woman out there who disagrees then fair enough, but I’ve yet to meet her. Sending a woman a willy pic will turn her on in the same way it would Donald Trump doing a strip tease. In other words, don’t, ever, never. 

So a few weeks ago a friend gets me on “bumble”. It’s like tinder, you swipe left and right like a human dating catalogue; this makes me feel really guilty. Seriously, every time I swipe left I think “Rosa you’re so shallow and mean, maybe he has a nice personality and a good heart”; but as my friend Joe said “you don’t walk a personality down the street”. Shameful, but true. You have to have a physical attraction, fact. So you plow on and then, out of no where you “match” he likes you and you him. You have a chat, you exchange numbers, date, fall in love and have babies. WRONG. You send a witty message only to be ghosted and then your insides fall apart because you think you’re no longer as funny or cute as you believed. Or they reply and their chat is as bright as winter night. Or you go on a date and you have to listen to the “im so wonderful, you’re so lucky to be with me” subtext of their date chat. Bumble proving to be a nightmare, well almost…..

I have had one date. It was fun, he was handsome and kind, there was beaches and walks. First kisses, hand holding and music. It was perfect bar one small detail, he lives over 2 hours away. Just my luck troops, but then that’s the joy of dating, if you could find it on your doorstep you would already have Love, but that might be mundane. If you want to go to the effort of dating then you’ll push the boundaries (and your  lease car mileage allowance) and expect nothing less than butterflies…

Wish me luck team… the month has only just begun….

P.S if you have a funny dating story or top tip, then guest blogs are welcome 

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Iconic Award

Everyone has something to say about my life, often painful and hurtful things; but I guess that’s public life. However very recently something lovely happened to me. I was given an award for being a “straight ally” to the LGBTI community. The First Minister and Glasgow Provost were in my category but I won, a wee single mammy from Wishaw. I really do love this award but in some ways it’s odd, because really I’ve only been awarded for doing the right thing. My mum and dad have always taught us that if we are able, you do what you can for those around you who need a little extra love. I wasn’t able to make an acceptance speech as I was poorly but I still think it would be nice to say some thanks.

To my three Ks, three “sisters” Caz, Claire and Alison, and Conor who are never done texting me, for keeping my eyes on reality and for reminding me of who I really am. Thank you. To Amo who is my can’t live with, can’t without pal; I know you always have my back no matter what separates us. Thank you. To Jordan Daly and Liam Stevenson who always inspire me to do more for LGBTI young people, you are the epitome of change. Thank you. James Dornan MSP, my boss, my rock and my friend. Thank you. My pals across politics and beyond for always saying nice things on the twitter and fighting with trolls on my behalf. Thank you. Rhiannon V Who is the spark that makes me want to fight harder. Thank you. To my mum and dad who are sellotape that keeps my heart together when so many of my dreams and hopes shatter. Thank you. Pete and the three Gordon’s who love me and the girls and never fail to make us laugh. Thank you. To the LGBTI community who have allowed me to stand and fight in your name. Thank you.

Finally I’d like to thank my beautiful girls Skye and Charlie. They are courageous, kind and frankly the most beautiful souls to have walked this planet. Both with unique challenges and both not without struggles; and yet both so willing to allow me to use their struggles to reach others. Thank you. I’m not gay, I was born in the right body and I have a lovely life; but it is the duty of all of us to stand up for those who are unable to do it themselves. I beg of the straight community ask questions. Challenge homophobia and transphobia. Ask for your children to be educated in LGBTI issues. Be the change this world so desperately needs. If you are a man or woman, boy or girl, who is currently living in a secret, if you are scared to be yourself and you don’t know what the future holds because of your gender or sexuality then this award is for you. It’s to remind you that you are not alone and we are fighting to make this world less frightening. This award is for those who cannot be themselves 🌈

Dear Katie

Dear Katie,

I’m writing to ask you to stop. Just stop. Your beating down of women and using their looks to demean them may get you attention (such as this letter) but what it also does, is unravel years of hard work done by women who realised the only way for us girls to succeed in a mans world is to build each other up.

I’m a different type of feminist, you probably don’t care, but in some ways I’m like you. I say what I think and I have opinions BUT I realise that sometimes you’ve got to wrap it. Today I saw you criticise my First Minister, now firstly you slagged her ginger hair which is inaccurate as she’s kind of a dirty blonde. A nice ashy colour. Her spikes at conference were amazing. Then you tweeted that Mhairi Black should maybe learn to use shampoo. She does use shampoo. Although I think when she or Nicola are speaking out for the abused, the impoverished and the vulnerable; I don’t really think they give a fu*k about the condition of their hair. You see they might have a different opinion from you but they never ever do anything unless they are sure it will go a mile to build others up. Mhairi Black may be young but she has radically changed the face of politics for young people across the country, and I don’t care if she achieved it wearing a Patrick Thistle top. I care that she tried. Not only that she is succeeding. 

Now Katie, you’ve been in the papers for more than your vocal opinions. Your sexual exploits, your weight etc and I thought “you go girl”. If you like a hedge then go get em. Cause that’s what feminism is. It’s saying to others “do what you want because that’s what makes your world turn”. You say jobs should be given on merit, that’s true but equality isn’t pie. It doesn’t run out. There is enough room for everyone. It doesn’t matter if they like ginger hair, shampoo or canoodling in hedges.

Mental health. You’ve had a lot to say about that today. I can tell you this, I would never wish it on anyone and I hope you feel the way you do because you never have to see it break people the way I have.

While you may set feminism back a hundred years, you also hurt people. I believe you have been hurt too. You must have been. So why do you never stop for one second to think, actually that’s rubbish from me… In Scotland we’d say this “gie it a by hen and don’t talk shite”. (You may have seen this demonstrated by Mhairi herself)

So I’m asking from one lippy blond to another, please just leave it alone. You’re harming women, feminism and most of all you’re slagging my pals. Nicola Sturgeon and Mhairi Black are forces of nature and forces for good. Right now I’d like to know what do you want to be a force for? Because it seems the only force you care about is the British main stream media, and let me tell you that’s the one force which is like the dark side. It’s on its road oot! 

Regards

Rosa 

What Did Our Women Hear During The Tory Silence? 

It took almost a week for Ruth Davidson to break her silence on the vile rape clause. This woman has been touted as the most popular politician in Scotland, if not the U.K. She leads a party which claims to stand up for the people of Scotland and yet this week our sisters, wives, mothers and daughters found her to be almost silent. No leadership. No compassion. No hope.

There are women all over Scotland who will be affected by the cap on child tax credits. When did we become a country who’s job it is to judge why a child is here? Don’t be fooled into believing the daily mail style rhetoric that people have multiple kids for “money”. I have two and right now a million pounds wouldn’t convince me to have a third. However, many choose to have multiple kids, but fall on hard times, this happens to the rich and poor alike. Many feel that the love of children is the only real relationship they will ever have. There are millions of reasons why kids are brought into this world, but when they are, there a million more reasons why they should be looked after by those of us who can afford it. It’s not entitlement, it’s just the duty of a caring society. 

The rape clause is the most repulsive piece of legislation I’ve ever seen. Women all over Scotland prayed that the Conservative members in this country would stand strong and put pressure on their counter parts in the south. Their prayers were ignored, no hope was found and they were met with a wall of silence. What did we hear from the Conservatives? Nothing. 

I tweeted asking if there were any Torys willing to stand up and condemn this policy. I didn’t do it in malice but to give an opportunity for members to stand up and to be honest. It got almost 300 retweets and I didn’t get one response. Not one single member was willing to say “I stand with our women and children”. So what did we hear? Yet again, nothing.

I wrote to several list MSPS. No acknowledgement. No response. Nothing.

Eventually statements came out from a spokeswomen and then the leader herself. Ms Davidson claimed to back the policy, and proposed that if the SNP didn’t like it they could mitigate it. Now let’s put this into perspective. The SNP have spent over £400 million countering Tory austerity since 2013. We are desperately trying to close the attainment gap, increase funding to our NHS and improve childcare across our land. What did we hear from the Scottish Conservatives? We will sh*t all over your floor, but you can pay to clean up the mess. 

Annie Wells came out today and released a similar statement which reeked of Tory HQ spin doctors. In a desperate and hypocritical attempt to save some face, what we saw was Ms Wells make excuses and defend a policy which make the lives of women and children in Glasgow (the area which she represents) insufferable. So what did we hear from Ms Wells? We heard that doing what the Tory party tells you is more important than ensuring we never miss a single woman and child out. What we heard was a statement devoid of hope.

Ladies and Gents it’s Easter weekend. My children will have egg hunts, day trips, new clothes and eggs galore. Somewhere in Scotland there may be a woman who is broken and shattered inside. Who has been raped and forced to carry a child which she will have to feed and nurture. Somewhere in Scotland there may be a child who has no eggs, no nice clothes and has never seen anywhere further than the house they live in, or school they attend. Somewhere there are people and what they want to hear is that the politicians they trust are loud. That they shout for the injustice in their lives. They want to hear that they matter to us. They want to know that every child and woman in Scotland will be loved. They want to hear their leaders stand up to their boss, even if that boss is the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Ruth Davidson and Scottish Torys, your silence has been deafening; and the women and children of Scotland will NEVER forget it.